Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasized for him to get married.
They had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.
However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say ‘she’s not the one!
‘The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing, however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing.On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (As one would expect).
The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.
The young girl asked the young man so many questions, she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size……
The young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?
The young man said, it’s ok. I only have 3 questions…The young girl thought, Wow, ONLY 3 questions okay, shoot!
The young man’s 1st question was,
Q1: Who do you love the most in the world, someone who’s love nothing would ever overcome?
A1: She said, this is an easy question; my mother, he smiled..
Q2: 2nd question, he asked, you said that you read a lot of qur’an, could you tell me which surahs you know the meaning of?
A2: Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon insha’allah I’ve just been a bit busy.
Q3: The 3rd question the young man asked, was I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are a lot more prettier than you Why should I marry you?
A3: Hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence. And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage. This time, the young mans parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl?? Tell us!
1. The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? she said, her mother, The parents said so, what is wrong with that??The young man said, ‘no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his messenger (saw) more than anyone else in the world’If a woman loves Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.
2. The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of qur’an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah?And she said no, because I haven’t had time yet. so I thought of that hadith ‘ALL humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge’ She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.
3. The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?That is why she stormed off, getting angry. The young man’s parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologies. The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.The Prophet (saw) said ‘do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry’ when asked how to become pious; because anger is from Satan.If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??
So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on:
*knowledge, not ONLY Out Looking (Beauty) !
*practice, not preaching/recite only (million of reciter are there) !
*Forgiveness, not Anger !
*Spiritual love, not Lust !
*and CompromiseOne should look for a person who..
1) Has love for Allah (swt) and the messenger (saw)
2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.
3) can control their anger
4) and willing to compromise.
And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.Aisha’h r.a reports “one day I was on a camel which was somewhat difficult to control and the Prophet s.a.w remarked “you must be compassionate, whenever there is compassion in something it adorns it, and when it is removed from something it disgraces it”. reported by Imam bukhari(al-adab al-mufrad)