Is This Verbal Diarrhea

08 Sunday Jul 2012

Posted by The Tale Of My Heart in Anger, Beauty, Culture, Feelings, Fun, Funny, Heart, History, Human, Humor, Joke Of The Day, Jokes, Life, Love, Marriage, Nature, Relationship, World, Youth

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Verbal Diarrhea; Just a bit humorous facts……… 🙂

Getting all this you guys may enjoy it an please don’t hesitate to laugh though……

For the past few weeks I’ve been reading my mates various magazines that come to that house each month (Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Vogue, Little Gus has a Fashion Magazine addiction, etc) and I came across an article that I found very interesting, and a bit entertaining. It was entitled “The Lies Men Tell”–and it was written by a man.

As I read more, I found it hilarious. It was written with such a matter-of-fact nature, like it’s normal or even acceptable that these common lies pour out of men’s mouth like verbal diarrhea. This article got me thinking about the lies that come out of women’s mouths as well.

There are things we indeed lie to our significant others about in order to spare their feelings, save a conversation from getting too intense, or…just because we have a little bit of verbal outpouring of our own. So, to the men out there– here are the lies they tell.

1. “Size doesn’t matter.”

trust me, it does. The term “it’s not the size that counts but how you use it” was most likely coined by a man who was probably ashamed of his very small parts. Gentleman…yes, size matters. Be logical.

,,,

2. “I LOVE your mom”!

Odds are, we don’t. We can sense that she will never think we are good enough for you, and we can also sense that we’ll never quite measure up to her in your eyes. We may like her, but we have a sense that she’s constantly “judging”.

…

3. “You’re the best I’ve ever had!”

Strictly speaking in regards to actual number of orgasms, you may not be ranked numero uno. But who counts anyway?

,,,

4. “I’ve only slept with __?____ amount of people.”

Add a few numbers to that list. Then, if we really love you, you should add a few more.

,,,

5. “Oh I’ve never done that!”

Odds are we have done it at least once, or we’ve thought about doing it.

,,,

6. “I’ve never felt this way about anybody before”

… We have. We’ve probably said that to each guy we’ve ever “fell” for. Everything feels the same in the beginning of a relationship.

,,,

7. “I’ve never (kissed, done this, gone home with) a stranger before!”

Sure we have, we just don’t want you to think we’re a slut.

,,,

8. “I’m not looking for a relationship”.

We are. We either don’t think you are good enough, or we think you don’t want one and we don’t want to appear needy.

,,,

9. “I got them on sale”. No we didn’t.

We spent half our rent money on them, but we just don’t want you to know that.

So, women tell little white lies as well. Just like men, they have a certain way we’d like to look and be portrayed, and certain facts from our lives just don’t paint that picture. As for the important stuff—if they love you, and I mean really love you– you’ll know what’s truth and what’s not. And if there’s love, it shouldn’t matter anyway.

Believe me?

,,,

Registered hub on July 11, 2008

A F**king GOODYEAR

08 Sunday Jan 2012

Posted by The Tale Of My Heart in Beauty, Fun, Funny, Human, Humor, Joke Of The Day, Jokes, Life, Pics, Uncategorized, World, Youth

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I Says… If you had sex every day for a year, kept all 365 condoms, melted ’em down and made a tire out of the rubber, what would u call it?… A FUCKING GOODYEAR

All That She Wants…. And She Don’t Care If It’s A Monkey

15 Thursday Dec 2011

Posted by The Tale Of My Heart in Allah, Angels, Animals, Beauty, Culture, Feelings, Fun, Funny, God, Heart, Human, Humor, Joke Of The Day, Jokes, Life, Lord, Love, Marriage, Muslims, Nature, Peace, Pics, Power, Quote Of The Day, Quotes, Relationship, Safety, Song Of The Century, Songs, Uncategorized, Videos, Wisdom, World, Youth

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(^-^)

Hmmm, this post is all that she wants;

Not like the kind in the above picture though, as that monkey is or, and or has some kind of fruit smeared all over its face. She would want a monkey like me.

Obviously having her own monkey would be fantastic for a whole host of reasons and as we are quite intelligent, yet unable to speak, we learn quickly through love, and care but not beatings while being learning.

Which one of you wish that your monkey should be fun like me….. :p

Disguised Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would borrow my mums sewing machine and make my monkey a little monkey suit. Then if anyone said “Thats not a real monkey, it’s just a monkey suit, I can see the zipper”, I could say “I bet you fifty dollars it is a real monkey” and when they said “that seems like a reasonable bet, you are on”, my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they would have to pay me fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. For the monkey. So he wouldn’t mind spending his life in a monkey suit.

Gambling Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach him to count cards like Dustin Hoffman in the movie Rainman and sneak my monkey into the casino. If anyone said “Hey a monkey, who’s monkey is that?” I would say “It’s not my monkey”.

Singing Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it to sing Kylie Minogue songs. Then if Kylie passed out on stage again I would be able to save the day by having my monkey finish the concert for her. The concert promotors would probably give me free tickets and promotional gifts. Kylie would be so thankful that she might send me an autographed photo and I could sell it on ebay for fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for the monkey, for me.

Paddling Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it how to use a paddle. The next time I went kayaking I would be able to relax and enjoy the scenery while my monkey navigated the river. Also, the last time I went kayaking I was listening to my ipod and I fell asleep and got sunburnt and the current took me way up the river before I awoke when the kayak hit a tree branch and I had to paddle all the way back. Having a paddling monkey would prevent this ever happening again so really it is a water-safety issue and should be encouraged.

Channel Changing Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it how to use all the entertainment equipment. I would save money on batteries for the remote controls by having my monkey change channels for me. With the money I saved on batteries I would buy drugs. I would share the drugs with the monkey while we watched Black Books and Stephen Chow movies together.

Hairdressing Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach him how to do my hair – using the appropriate amount of product. I would then set the alarm for him to get up half an hour before I do and do my hair while I am still asleep. This would either give me more time in the morning or allow me to spend more time sleeping. I would just waste the extra half hour anyway so probably better to sleep but as I usually don’t rock up to work till ten thirty or so, I could try leaving earlier. This would give me more time to write about what I would do if I had a monkey.

Surveilance Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would teach it to track down people who annoy me by using their profile photo and google maps. Using earpieces to communicate, I would have my monkey conceal himself behind the person typing on facesook® and when that person wrote something stupid I would have my monkey run up and slap them on the back of the head really hard then make a quick escape. Having several monkeys would be more convenient but I don’t have time to train seven monkeys, what with having to do my own hair in the mornings.

5 Fun Things to do with a Monkey

1. Constructing and flying box kites
2. eyetoy
3. Running down sand dunes
4. Playing Connect 4
5. Dressups

Web Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would name it Brendon. I would shave the monkey and buy a yellow shirt for it and teach it to write inane posts on the Australian wall. Occasionally I would burn the monkey with a cigarette lighter but not to cause enough damage to detract it from it’s primary goal; impersonating a retard.

Sex with Monkeys

If a woman had sex with a monkey, getting pregnant and giving birth, we would be able see what mans early ancestors really looked like and include actual photographs in scientific volumes dealing with Neanderthal man. Due to the mixing of species, it might not be possible to produce offspring or it might be more likely if a man had sex with a female monkey but this would be much less fun to watch. Due to father/mother percentage variations we would probably need about 50 women to do it to get an average. We could put the babies on an island with hidden cameras and see if they invent the wheel and discover fire. Call it Monkey Island and sell series rights. Another bonus would be enough actors to produce footage that would make the opening scenes from ‘2001 A Space Odyssey’ look like a primary school play. I would call mine Manky as it is a cross between man and monkey and I would teach him to love.

Ceramic Monkey

If I had a monkey, I would name it Thomas and use it for scientific research. I would then publish my findings in a journal titled “Monkey Vs Electricity”. With the proceeds from the sale of this publication, I would buy a potters wheel and kiln and produce my own range of contemporary, modern living, statues of monkeys. I could make a cast of my dead monkey and use it to produce to-scale ceramic monkeys. I would design a sticker stating that part proceeds go to Greenpeace but would keep all the money for myself. With the money, I would buy drugs and spend my days stoned, listening to music and turning pots.

,,,

All That She Wants…. And She Don’t Care If It’s A Monkey (justsimplyinlove.wordpress.com)

Riddles

04 Sunday Dec 2011

Posted by The Tale Of My Heart in Allah, Beauty, Children, Culture, Feelings, Fun, Funny, God, Human, Humor, Joke Of The Day, Jokes, Life, Lord, Nature, Peace, Quotes, Relationship, Safety, Uncategorized, Wisdom, World, Youth

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Riddles

Thoughts Of Life Experience

SINGLE MEN
Riddle:
Four men were in a boat on a lake.
The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake,
yet not a single man got wet!
Why?
Clue:
Don’t think too much.
Answer:
They were all married not single.

THE SAME TEA
Riddle:

A woman was horrified to find a fly in her tea.
The waiter took her cup and went into the kitchen and returned with a fresh cup of tea.
She shouted, “You brought back the same tea!”.
How did she know?
Clue:
Sugar
Answer:
She had put sugar in it before and when she tasted it was already sweet.

MOUTH THAT NEVER TALKS
Riddle:
What can run but never walks.
has a mouth but never talks.
has s head but never weeps.
has a bed but never sleeps.
Clue:
Water
Answer:
A river

MADE UP YOUR MIND
Riddle:
Whoever…

View original post 25 more words

Versatile Blogger’s Award

01 Thursday Dec 2011

Posted by The Tale Of My Heart in Allah, Angels, Anger, Animals, Astrlogy, Beauty, Bridges, Children, Coke Studio, Construction, Culture, Driving, Engineering, English, Feelings, Fun, Funny, God, Hadith, Health, Heart, Hindus, History, Hong Kong, Human, Humor, Islam, Islamabad, Jews, Joke Of The Day, Jokes, Lahore, Life, Lord, Love, Marriage, Medicine, Music, Muslims, Nature, New York, Pakistan, Peace, Photographs, Pics, Poems, Poetry, Politics, Power, Quote Of The Day, Quotes, Qura'n, Relationship, Safety, Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim, Smoking, Song Of The Century, Songs, Sports, Sufi's, Uncategorized, United Kingdom, Urdu Poetry, Videos, Wars, Wisdom, World, Youth

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Special Thank You and gratitute to;

1. rumpydog, 2. heartofbella, 3. Have A Dream ……, 4. dontchawannadream, 5. thespiderfarmmanager, 6. granbee, 7. Thoughts From A Jaded Heart, 8. Warrior Poet Wisdom, 9. Unwrittentruth’s Blog, 10. Taste of life by Sabi, 11. cuhome, 12. somkritya, 13. DAVID FRANCIS BARKER PAINTER AND POET, 14. VeehCirra, 15. The Curvy Spine, 16. WILL OF HEART, 17. maureenlermer, 18. sorealtonight, 19. CRYPT ART PHOTO 20. keltrustsnoone, 21. AdaLamar’s Blog, 20. The Happiness nest, 21. The Narcissist’s Blog, 22. bardessdmdenton, 23. Whimsical KT, 24. Jenchay, 25. ANGELSLIGHTWORLDWIDE,

for nominating me for the Versatile Blog’s Award!

Thank you Rummpy! for nominating this award especially as I never had one and really made my day. I know that all the effort I am putting into this blog is being noticed.Versatile Blogger Award – I am not sure where it originated from or who started this chain reaction. It all starts with you being asked to share 7 things about yourself, if you are going to accept this award.Since a I find most of you encouraged me by appreciating and expressing your opinion and I would like to thank all of beautiful minds leaving comments on this site.

Here are the some official rules:

Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.
Tell your readers seven (7) things about you.
Give this award to fifteen (15 +) recently discovered bloggers.
Contact those bloggers and let them in on the exciting news.

7 Things about me:

1. I love good music (spicially world music) no matter in what language is. Yup, right now I am listening to Deep forest – The sound of Africaand having breakfast.

,,,

2. I love BBQs, GYM, Martial Arts (Tai Kwon Do, Wing Chun) and travelling.

3. Cheese cake? is for me and Starbucks cappuccino lover.

4. I am really disappointed because of riots in London my car was vandalized.

5. I don’t read as much as I should, I would like to. I surely read traffic signs

when I drive because I don’t want miss the exit!

6. I LOVE animals, birds and stroll on the beach.

7. I am terrible in shopping, my two teens assist me and proud to be single DAD.

Putting down for nomination;

● Poems ‘n Stuff ●
Debbie Adams
Dreamwalker’s Sanctuary
jennygoth
Lafemmeroar
Love is The Answer
My Blog
rumpydog
So Far From Heaven
Taste of life by Sabi
The Accidental Cootchie Mama
Two Pots of Coffee and A Slice of Pie at Midnight
twopartswhimsicalonepartpeculiar
vampireweather
wordsfallfrommyeyes

Short Love Series

21 Monday Nov 2011

Posted by The Tale Of My Heart in Anger, Beauty, Culture, Feelings, Fun, Funny, Heart, History, Human, Humor, Joke Of The Day, Jokes, Love, Nature, Peace, Pics, Power, Relationship, Safety, Uncategorized, World, Youth

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Its all started this way;

Wife:

I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband:

You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

Liebster Blog’s Award

19 Saturday Nov 2011

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Liebster Blog’s Award

…

We all need a dose of Inspiration – It can be find in different aspects of Life and it is what this blog is about. Keep it in your mind and I would recommend a quick visit when you get a chance – there is inspiration for everybody depending on your tastes and likes.

So Thank you very much for giving me The Liebster Blog Award and I was nominated by Vishitra from 1. Tiny Toes, 2. Rebbeca Dawn from THE WAY I AM, 3. Not Just A Mummy, 3. lscotthoughts from LSCOTT POETRY, 4. floriploiesteanu, 5. Reflection of a Buddhist Monk, 6. UponAtlas’ Blog, 7. HEARTWINDS, 8. A Fairy Flying High, 9. wordsfallfrommyeyes 10. Goss Coaching,

for the Liebster blog Award . I feel honored and blessed. This Award is given to bloggers who have less than 200 followers, all in the spirit of fostering new connections.

Leibster is German & means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’ but it can also mean ‘favorite’ & the idea of the Leibster award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers and I decided that I should definitely write a post about it & pass the award on to 5 or more bloggers.

The Rules are:

Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
Post the award on your blog.
Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the blogsphere – other bloggers.
And, best of all – have fun and spread the karma.

The names below and the one in Blog Roll all worth more So here I will just go random pick give it to:

The Accidental Cootchie Mama

BECOMING BITTER