DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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I urge not to skip over this post. I call it the silent killer, even though it is far then silent. It is out there and it is alive. And, you will be surprised how many women claim to have a smile and happy marriage, but when that bedroom door closes, it is another story. I will begin with a very short story.

When domestic abuse comes into play, a person can take many seats of a witness. I was 14 when I first witness domestic abuse. I was sleeping facing the wall when I heard the door open and my aunt came in. My aunt was in her 50’s married since she was teenager with the same man. She came in and laid next to me. Everything normal. A couple minutes later, I heard the door open again, this time it was my uncle. Im still facing the wall, but now pretending to be sleeping. What I heard next changed my life and how I viewed my aunt and uncle for ever.

I was not able to see but all I heard was the sound of my uncle slapping or pounding on my aunt and from her all I heard was trying to hold her cry and not make noise. She plead with him and begged him in a nice way to stop and even was trying to reason with him and apologizing. I then made a movement as if am turning around, which I eventually did. He got up and left. I felt so bad for my aunt and throughout the years I was not able to see them the same. I always wondered why did she allow this? WHY? This is an example of one of the seats a person takes in witnessing violence. 

Violence effects not only the victim, but the people surrounding her. It is important to learn how to help someone in this situation. These are 5 forms of domestic Violence. Get familiar with them to help others or yourself. 

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PUT A HAND ON YOU. I know it is easier said then done, but if you put yourself through this, YOU WILL put an effect on your children. A women does many sacrifices to keep a family together, but don’t sacrifice your children less your own mental and physical health. There is help and there are people that help. Cowards only exist until bravery is born. 

5 FORMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Physical
Inflicting or attempting to inflict physical injury
example: grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching, hitting with blunt objects, stabbing, shooting

Withholding access to resources necessary to maintain health example: medication, medical care, wheelchair, food or fluids, sleep, hygienic assistance Forcing alcohol or other drug use

Sexual
Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent
example: marital rape, acquaintance rape, forced sex after physical beating, attacks on the sexual parts of the body, forced prostitution, fondling, sodomy, sex with others

Attempting to undermine the victim’ sexuality
example: treating him/her in a sexually derogatory manner, criticizing sexual performance and desirability, accusations of infidelity, withholding sex

Psychological
Instilling or attempting to instill fear
example: intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, victim, and/or others, threatening to harm and/or kidnap children, menacing, blackmail, harassment, destruction of pets and property, mind games, stalking

Isolating or attempting to isolate victim from friends, family, school, and/or work example: withholding access to phone and/or transportation, undermining victim’s personal relationships, harassing others, constant “checking up,” constant accompaniment, use of unfounded accusations, forced imprisonment

Emotional
Undermining or attempting to undermine victim sense of worth
example: constant criticism, belittling victim’s abilities and competency, name-calling, insults, put-downs, silent treatment, manipulating victim’s feelings and emotions to induce guilt, subverting a partner’s relationship with the children, repeatedly making and breaking promises

Economic
Making or attempting to make the victim financially dependent
example: maintaining total control over financial resources including victim’s earned income or resources received through public assistance or social security, withholding money and/or access to money, forbidding attendance at school, forbidding employment, on-the-job harassment, requiring accountability and justification for all money spent, forced welfare fraud, withholding information about family running up bills for which the victim is responsible for payment 

IF YOU OR ANYONE IS SUFFERING FROM DOMESTIC ABUSE,  visit one of  Shelter & look for further assistance.

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