It just came into my mind why Ulrich was arguing. So it raises questions in my head I decided to share it.
We all have a strong affinity to understanding things, especially understanding other people’s behavior that causes us concerns or problems. Lies are always destructive in the end, and when they happen in a personal relationship they are the termites that eat away at the fundamental trust foundation at the center of the relationship. Relationships are extremely important and valuable in life and no relationship can survive with lies. Understanding why people lie is critical to understanding the purpose of relationships and learning how to make them better for ourselves and others.
Researchers have been studying deception for decades, trying to figure out why we tell lies. It turns out that we spin facts and make up fictions for all sorts of reasons. We might want to gain a raise or a reward, for example, or to protect friends or a lover. Our capacity for deceit appears nearly endless, from embroidering stories to wearing fake eyelashes to asking “How are you?” when we don’t actually care. We even lie to ourselves about how much food we eat and how often we visit the gym.
Small embellishments can have positive psychological effects, experts say. Their fiction, in other words, became self-fulfilling. “Exaggerators tend to be more confident and have higher goals for achievement,” and one of the study’s coauthors. “Positive biases about the self can be beneficial.”
People who deceive themselves also tend to be happier than people who do not, some research suggests. There are social payoffs, too: Studies have shown that people who lie frequently are viewed as friendlier and more amiable than their more truthful counterparts. Still, lying is generally regarded as immoral and distasteful. “No one likes being lied to,” says former FBI agent and lying expert Joe Navarro. “We feel betrayed. When is it that they are telling the truth?” And people do really want to know the truth. A new Fox drama, Lie to Me, which features a steely British deception expert, has become one of the most popular shows on television.
Lying begins early. By the age of 3, most children know how to fib, and by 6, most lie a few times a day. Experts believe that children learn to lie by observing their parents do it—that they become practiced in the art of deception by imitating Mom and Dad. And parents sometimes explicitly encourage children to tell lies. Grandma Suzy will send some ugly wool socks or an itchy sweater, and parents will ask their son or daughter to say the item is lovely. As one study concluded, children “may learn to lie in the same way as they learn to speak.”
Many experts don’t see much difference between a little lie (telling Grandma you loved the ugly socks) and a big lie (covering up an extramarital affair). “Anything that is not accurate is a lie. You can argue that a lie done to make someone else feel better is relatively minor. But they have an effect. The bottom line is that a lie is a lie,” says Feldman. “That’s the great paradox here. I do believe the more lies, the more degradation. But you can’t stop lies entirely. Society would grind to a halt.”
Still, people act differently when they’re gilding a story and when they’re telling a massive whopper. When people tell a bold and blatant lie, they typically become tense and fidgety. Their heart rate speeds up. Their body temperature increases. But when telling white, or social, lies, they usually don’t feel any anxiety at all. In fact, electrodes attached to the bodies of students in Gramzow’s study revealed that the students who exaggerated their GPAs showed less nervous-system activity than students who were honest about their marks. “In certain situations, such as when someone asks you if you like the awful meal they just served you or the hideous outfit they are wearing, it probably takes less thinking to tell the expected polite lie than the more difficult truth,”
MORAL IS; Good realtionships serve the purpose to teach us how to love and be loved. The main increadient to loving relationships is honest communciation.
MoR
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