Verbal Diarrhea; Just a bit humorous facts………
Getting all this you guys may enjoy it an please don’t hesitate to laugh though……
For the past few weeks I’ve been reading my mates various magazines that come to that house each month (Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Vogue, Little Gus has a Fashion Magazine addiction, etc) and I came across an article that I found very interesting, and a bit entertaining. It was entitled “The Lies Men Tell”–and it was written by a man.
As I read more, I found it hilarious. It was written with such a matter-of-fact nature, like it’s normal or even acceptable that these common lies pour out of men’s mouth like verbal diarrhea. This article got me thinking about the lies that come out of women’s mouths as well.
There are things we indeed lie to our significant others about in order to spare their feelings, save a conversation from getting too intense, or…just because we have a little bit of verbal outpouring of our own. So, to the men out there– here are the lies they tell.
1. “Size doesn’t matter.”
trust me, it does. The term “it’s not the size that counts but how you use it” was most likely coined by a man who was probably ashamed of his very small parts. Gentleman…yes, size matters. Be logical.
2. “I LOVE your mom”!
Odds are, we don’t. We can sense that she will never think we are good enough for you, and we can also sense that we’ll never quite measure up to her in your eyes. We may like her, but we have a sense that she’s constantly “judging”.
3. “You’re the best I’ve ever had!”
Strictly speaking in regards to actual number of orgasms, you may not be ranked numero uno. But who counts anyway?
4. “I’ve only slept with __?____ amount of people.”
Add a few numbers to that list. Then, if we really love you, you should add a few more.
5. “Oh I’ve never done that!”
Odds are we have done it at least once, or we’ve thought about doing it.
6. “I’ve never felt this way about anybody before”
… We have. We’ve probably said that to each guy we’ve ever “fell” for. Everything feels the same in the beginning of a relationship.
7. “I’ve never (kissed, done this, gone home with) a stranger before!”
Sure we have, we just don’t want you to think we’re a slut.
8. “I’m not looking for a relationship”.
We are. We either don’t think you are good enough, or we think you don’t want one and we don’t want to appear needy.
9. “I got them on sale”. No we didn’t.
We spent half our rent money on them, but we just don’t want you to know that.
So, women tell little white lies as well. Just like men, they have a certain way we’d like to look and be portrayed, and certain facts from our lives just don’t paint that picture. As for the important stuff—if they love you, and I mean really love you– you’ll know what’s truth and what’s not. And if there’s love, it shouldn’t matter anyway.
Registered hub on July 11, 2008
I Says… If you had sex every day for a year, kept all 365 condoms, melted ‘em down and made a tire out of the rubber, what would u call it?… A FUCKING GOODYEAR
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Hmmm, this post is all that she wants;
Not like the kind in the above picture though, as that monkey is or, and or has some kind of fruit smeared all over its face. She would want a monkey like me.
Obviously having her own monkey would be fantastic for a whole host of reasons and as we are quite intelligent, yet unable to speak, we learn quickly through love, and care but not beatings while being learning.
Which one of you wish that your monkey should be fun like me….. :p
If I had a monkey, I would borrow my mums sewing machine and make my monkey a little monkey suit. Then if anyone said “Thats not a real monkey, it’s just a monkey suit, I can see the zipper”, I could say “I bet you fifty dollars it is a real monkey” and when they said “that seems like a reasonable bet, you are on”, my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they would have to pay me fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. For the monkey. So he wouldn’t mind spending his life in a monkey suit.
If I had a monkey, I would teach him to count cards like Dustin Hoffman in the movie Rainman and sneak my monkey into the casino. If anyone said “Hey a monkey, who’s monkey is that?” I would say “It’s not my monkey”.
If I had a monkey, I would teach it to sing Kylie Minogue songs. Then if Kylie passed out on stage again I would be able to save the day by having my monkey finish the concert for her. The concert promotors would probably give me free tickets and promotional gifts. Kylie would be so thankful that she might send me an autographed photo and I could sell it on ebay for fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for the monkey, for me.
If I had a monkey, I would teach it how to use a paddle. The next time I went kayaking I would be able to relax and enjoy the scenery while my monkey navigated the river. Also, the last time I went kayaking I was listening to my ipod and I fell asleep and got sunburnt and the current took me way up the river before I awoke when the kayak hit a tree branch and I had to paddle all the way back. Having a paddling monkey would prevent this ever happening again so really it is a water-safety issue and should be encouraged.
Channel Changing Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would teach it how to use all the entertainment equipment. I would save money on batteries for the remote controls by having my monkey change channels for me. With the money I saved on batteries I would buy drugs. I would share the drugs with the monkey while we watched Black Books and Stephen Chow movies together.
If I had a monkey, I would teach him how to do my hair – using the appropriate amount of product. I would then set the alarm for him to get up half an hour before I do and do my hair while I am still asleep. This would either give me more time in the morning or allow me to spend more time sleeping. I would just waste the extra half hour anyway so probably better to sleep but as I usually don’t rock up to work till ten thirty or so, I could try leaving earlier. This would give me more time to write about what I would do if I had a monkey.
If I had a monkey, I would teach it to track down people who annoy me by using their profile photo and google maps. Using earpieces to communicate, I would have my monkey conceal himself behind the person typing on facesook® and when that person wrote something stupid I would have my monkey run up and slap them on the back of the head really hard then make a quick escape. Having several monkeys would be more convenient but I don’t have time to train seven monkeys, what with having to do my own hair in the mornings.
5 Fun Things to do with a Monkey
1. Constructing and flying box kites
3. Running down sand dunes
4. Playing Connect 4
If I had a monkey, I would name it Brendon. I would shave the monkey and buy a yellow shirt for it and teach it to write inane posts on the Australian wall. Occasionally I would burn the monkey with a cigarette lighter but not to cause enough damage to detract it from it’s primary goal; impersonating a retard.
Sex with Monkeys
If a woman had sex with a monkey, getting pregnant and giving birth, we would be able see what mans early ancestors really looked like and include actual photographs in scientific volumes dealing with Neanderthal man. Due to the mixing of species, it might not be possible to produce offspring or it might be more likely if a man had sex with a female monkey but this would be much less fun to watch. Due to father/mother percentage variations we would probably need about 50 women to do it to get an average. We could put the babies on an island with hidden cameras and see if they invent the wheel and discover fire. Call it Monkey Island and sell series rights. Another bonus would be enough actors to produce footage that would make the opening scenes from ’2001 A Space Odyssey’ look like a primary school play. I would call mine Manky as it is a cross between man and monkey and I would teach him to love.
If I had a monkey, I would name it Thomas and use it for scientific research. I would then publish my findings in a journal titled “Monkey Vs Electricity”. With the proceeds from the sale of this publication, I would buy a potters wheel and kiln and produce my own range of contemporary, modern living, statues of monkeys. I could make a cast of my dead monkey and use it to produce to-scale ceramic monkeys. I would design a sticker stating that part proceeds go to Greenpeace but would keep all the money for myself. With the money, I would buy drugs and spend my days stoned, listening to music and turning pots.
- All That She Wants…. And She Don’t Care If It’s A Monkey (justsimplyinlove.wordpress.com)
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Four men were in a boat on a lake.
The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake,
yet not a single man got wet!
Don't think too much.
They were all married not single.
THE SAME TEA
A woman was horrified to find a fly in her tea.
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How to run a successful business ?
Just follow the new training prgrame provided by Human Resouces Department the following is the one of the example;
Don’t miss the great opportunity, deadline is soon and time is running out.
Alexander and Diogenes
Alexander appeared before the Greek leaders in Corinth, they greeted him warmly and paid him lavish compliments- all of them, that is but one. A funny fellow, a philosopher named Diogenes. He had views not unlike those of the Buddha. According to him, possessions and all the things we think we need only serve to distract us and get in the way of our simple enjoyment of life.